The phone rang, and as the name appeared, I had that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. He rarely calls, and when he does, it usually isn’t good. And true to form, the news was bad.

It’s funny, but life has a way of taking sudden, unexpected left turns. They usually happen after a period of calm. Just when you think you have everything under control, the dream is fulfilled, or the goal achieved, you encounter an unwanted obstacle. And it is in those moments we discover what we are truly made of—what we believe about ourselves and God. It is there we find courage and a gentle nudge to draw closer to the only one who can help us through our challenges.

The call revealed that another family member had been taken to the emergency room, unconscious, barely holding on to life. He was a young man, but he had faced the ravages of chronic disease and the heartbreak and grief from significant loss. First his mother, then his grandfather, and finally his beloved grandmother. He passed just 9 days after entering the hospital. And if his loss was not enough, the family drama began, accusations, double and triple talk, the unnecessary stabs and twists. 

I watched from the sidelines, hoping to be some sort of anchor in a time of difficulty. But I found myself getting more anxious, wanting to heal the sadness and fix the shattering family dynamics. My angst grew, and before I knew it, I was angry at the instigators and frustrated with my inability to make it all right. And then that still small Voice whispered. And as usual, it challenged me to look at the situation a little differently. 

Broken people behave badly when in a crisis. And broken, bad-acting people, filled with guilt and shame, act even worse. I know because I’m one of them, and if you’re honest, so are you. Perhaps not all the time. Maybe only on those very rare occasions when the call comes, or the job is lost, or the friend/family member betrays. Nonetheless, we all share in the brokenness of this world. So, why should I expect my family to rise above the sorrow and death to respond lovingly, rationally, God honoring? Therein lies my source of frustration. I’m seeking something from them that I also failed to produce: consistent, unshakable, freely given compassion and love.

I guess that is the lesson from all the chaos: we are all broken, bad-acting people. But God never gets frustrated or angry because of our poor attitudes. And perhaps we can look to Him more consistently to gauge the appropriateness of our responses. Perhaps we can ask him for more of His grace and direction as we navigate this planet together. Because there will always be early morning calls, mountains to face, and the opportunity to choose grace over self-righteousness. 

My prayer is that when I lean more heavily on my Father’s shoulder and try to mimic His behavior, my brokenness will begin to heal, and I will become more gracious, less judgmental, more patient, less angry, and begin to reflect His love to all those sharing my journey.

Be Blessed, His Beloved,