I’m going way out on a limb to share a recent experience. I’m quite certain after reading this you are going to think a little less of my intelligence. But, I promise there is a point to my sharing my humiliation.

If you’ve read my blogs over the years, you’ll know that I am an avid dog lover. My husband and I have had three and now we are the dedicated sitters for our neighbor’s small fur-baby. We will call him Little Man. In fact,  Little Man is sitting in my lap, head draped over my arm as I’m typing this post.

Ok, sit back in your chair because you are about to be, well, I actually can’t put into words what emotions you might experience. I know I have a hard time putting it into words and it happened to me.

The day started amazing. A quiet breakfast with hubby before he headed out the door. A walk with Little Man and then a few hours of gardening in the backyard.  Little Man never left my side, a common trait for this oh-so-trusting little one. But this is the place where chaos ensued. 

My neighbor down the street offered some succulent cuttings. Who can pass up free succulents? So, doggie and I gathered all the necessary items and walked down the street to collect a few different plants. The goal was to incorporate them into our front yard along the dry riverbed. The succulent harvest went well, and we headed home. After a quick lunch, Little Man, the succulents, and a small shovel made our way to the front yard. Now,  Little Man is not really an outdoor, lay-in-the-sun kind of dog. But I didn’t want to leave him alone in the house, and he had done well in the backyard earlier that morning. So, in my wisdom, I tethered him to my waist using his leash. He followed me around, lay on the sidewalk, and fell asleep in the warmth of the sun. 

WARNING: This is the part where stupidity shows its ugly side. 

It was time for me to move from the lower section of the riverbed to the upper area. However, being tethered to a dog on a short leash just wasn’t going to work. So, in my infinite wisdom, I disconnected him from my waist and (wait for it) attached the end of the leash to my small shovel. Now, before you start hurling insults my way, hear out my reasoning. He’s a small dog, was asleep, and even if he woke up, would more than likely stay put. I moved to the upper area of the bed and heard a metal clanking sound. I turned around, and Little Man was running like crazy, dragging the shovel! To say that I freaked out is a total understatement. I panicked, started running like a CRAZY woman, and yelled, ” Jesus, please protect him! Stop, STOP, please, Jesus!”  Little Man came to rest on the edge of the sidewalk, the shovel in the street, and I… well, I hit the sidewalk in fear.  Little Man looked at me and back at the shovel and then again at me. The look on his face said it all: This WAS NOT a good idea!

I’m pleased to share that Little Man is fine. He was not injured, nor is he afraid of shovels, his leash, or me! My shovel does show signs of being dragged, but no real damage. As for me, well, to say that I carry a load of guilt and a fair amount of shame is, again, an understatement. On this side of the event, it would have been so much easier to just put the dog in the house for the few minutes I worked the upper bed. But I wanted to have him close and share the beauty of the day. I will say there was this tiny whisper as I attached the leash to the shovel’s handle, and if only I had listened, thought it through, just taken an extra second. Perhaps I would be spared this amazingly hard lesson.

That is the end of my humbling tale. But I did learn something I want to share.

The “If onlies” of life are the things that have kept me questioning myself. If only I had stood up to the childhood bully, the verbally abusive first boyfriend, the unprofessional and unkind boss. If only I had asked more questions, demanded a few more straight responses, or walked away instead of becoming frustrated and angry. If only I had stopped, waited, listened a little more intently for God’s gentle whisper. If only… 

But the land of “If Only” is not a habitable place.  We can’t truly live there, and at some point, we have to move on. We must stop the self-blame and shame, and understand that being human leads to missteps and poor choices. What we can refocus on is learning from each humiliating circumstance and growing our trust in God, who offers His amazing grace. 

You are probably wondering what Little Man’s owners thought of our adventure. Well, I told his mama the saga, and she looked at me, put her hand on my arm, and said, “You could have put him in the house.” I smiled, and we hugged. 

Grace is amazing, and so is God’s care and protection over small creatures pulling shovels and big creatures wondering, if only…

Be Blessed,