I’m going to apologize in advance to all of you who are avid Blue Jay enthusiasts. But I’ve decided I don’t like them. They are bird-bullies and I wish I had an anti-jay dome to keep them out of my backyard.

A pair of doves are nesting on the downspout outside our bedroom window. Pigeons live under the solar panels of our neighbor’s roof and frequent our fountain and pool. And we have so many finches, I’ve lost count. All our feathered neighbors are constantly under attack by our resident blue bully. It almost makes me want to borrow a cat. But I’m concerned the cat wouldn’t be able to hold his own under the unrelenting assault of the blue demon.

Have I mentioned, I don’t like Blue Jays?

I share this somewhat funny story to make a more serious point, I can easily dismiss the bad behavior of my blue tormenter and chalk it up to instinctual behavior. But what do you do when the bully is a neighbor, a friend, or a member of your own family? There are no house cats large enough to take down a human tormenter and life can be pretty difficult facing one each day.

I had a neighbor that was almost as bad as our Blue Jay. He circled the neighborhood looking for innocent victims and once found, he swooped in to sabotage character, destroy relationships, and disturb the peace and calm. He was relentless and it wasn’t until he needed the members of the community’s support that his behavior improved. But once he was on the other side of the challenge, he returned to his predatory habits and the neighborhood resumed a watchful state of mind.

Bullies show up in the most unsuspecting places. They can catch us off guard and rob us of our confidence and sense of security. But I’ve found two things that help when you have a bully in your backyard.

1. Don’t Ignore Them!  

I’ve been closely watching the behavior of my winged friends. When Mr. Blue Jay shows up, they all seem to scatter. Reminiscent of my behavior when I catch a hint of confrontation brewing. Unfortunately, fleeing entices the bully’s brain and just like a young lion chasing after the fleeing gazelle, they become more attentive and predatory.

Each time I ignored the rude remarks or the negative side comments of my neighbor, the more brazen he became. As I worked to avoid him, he was more determined to hunt me down. It was an odd game of cat and mouse and I played into his snare. Well, until one day. He pushed me too far and said one too many offensive things and I had had enough. I stood face to face with the bully, shared my truth in the most forceful yet respectful manner I could muster, looked him in his eyes, and waited for a response. But none came, not a word, and from that day forward, the bully avoided my path. He would cross the street when he saw me, turn, and walk in the opposite direction and his intimidation was done.

You see, bullies don’t like to hear the truth, they don’t like to be stood up to, and they definitely don’t like those things happening in front of an audience. They like to fly in, dump their vile, and move on. But if stopped and respectfully corrected, they often run.

Don’t ignore the bully in your life. But rather, muster the courage to speak the truth, in love, respectfully, and watch what happens. Often, they retreat and you are left with a quiet confidence that invades your soul and gives you the strength to stand a little taller and stronger when you encounter your next harassing jay.

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I want to be very clear; when I am talking about a bully, I am not addressing an abuser. They may share many of the same characteristics but they are not the same animal. If you are dealing with someone who is physically or mentally abusing you, in no way am I suggesting that you confront them. However, I do want to encourage you to seek support.

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2. Don’t Become Them

I’ve often wondered what it would be like to have one of the finches take an offensive posture and start harassing old Mr. Blue. Perhaps taking one of those classic Blue Jay side-swiping dives and land smack dab on the top of his blue spikey head. And once the finch had knocked him off his roost, climb high, circle, and take another punch. I’d hope the blue bully would be caught off guard, perhaps just enough to ponder how unfair his behavior really is and perhaps reflect on his ways. But that is a fantasy in the avian world. The meek don’t become fierce, nor do the bullied become the bully. Not so true in the real world.

I’ve seen the bullied become mean-spirited and cruel. There is something about facing an ongoing oppressor that changes your heart and as a defense, they start doubling down on dishing out ugliness. Unfortunately, the recipients of their viciousness are usually another timid soul – an underserving assault on a loved one, a friend, or a co-worker.

I want to encourage you, don’t become them. Don’t allow the endless verbal harassment of a bully to change who you are or force you to take on their attitude. Like Michelle Obama often says, “… when they go low, you go high.” You are bigger and have already won, for having retained your integrity in the face of those that have none.

Bullies are all around us. They feed off those they can intimidate and wait for us to show signs that we are becoming just like them. But when we are attentive to them and our feelings, we can soar.

I recently saw an interesting encounter. A hawk was being chased by two finches. They flew around the rooftops, over fences, and through the open field. I watched for a while and realized; the finches were defending their nest. Finally, the hawk gave up and disappeared up the street. The little guys were determined not to allow the bully to stop them from protecting their home. They could have become intimidated because of his size. Or given up because of his speed and strength. But they persisted in staying true to what they knew and who they are.

When you are facing a bully, remember they are only as strong as you are weak. Don’t ignore their bad behavior and don’t allow them to change who you are. You, my friend, are a daughter of The King and because of that, you can stand against anything that intimidates you in this life.

Be Blessed His BeLOVED,